Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Hammer of Life

Long one today, written for an English lesson in year 9, so about 7 years ago I think... I think it's interesting to note this after re-reading it.

Holly loved David; David loved Holly: but not for the same
reason. David loved Holly because she listened to his problems
and loved him. Holly loved David because he gave her food! David
also loved Charlotte because: they spoke the same language;
Charlotte was about the same size as David and, the most
important thing, they loved each other for the same reasons.
Charlotte also loved Kate, Bob and Lara; Lara loved food, but
that is not relevant to the story and would take some time to

David and Charlotte are humans, if that is not clear. Kate and
Bob are also humans. Lara and Holly are animals, a hamster and a
guinea pig, respectively.

"David! The 'phone," shouted David's mum, through two walls and a
door. Despite the fact that most people could not tell what she
had shouted meant after going through 2 walls and a door, or 3
doors depending on how you look at the world. David knew what it
meant as it happened every Sunday at 10 o'clock.

"OK just feeding Holly," his usual reply to this weekly event.
Despite it sounding like a very quiet power-drill to his mum, she
knew what it meant. This all was very confusing to Holly as such
an intelligent creature, as her, can't understand human customs.
(Refer to 23rd of April 1999 edition of Nature, page 64,
left-hand column.) As we should all know Holly the guinea pig was
one of the important contributors to sub-space travel.

After closing and bolting the cage in his room, David ran
downstairs, after opening the door to his room, skidded across
the hall and opened the last two doors to get to his mum in the
kitchen. His mum was holding the cordless 'phone for him to grab.
After this, so far, routine Sunday he heard the first blow to his
perfect life.

"Hi, Charlotte."

"Hi, Dave." It would be unfair to say that it was impossible, but
it was fairly hard for Dave or David to hear Charlotte: because
of the Alanis Morissette coming from Charlotte's 80 watt

"You wanna go in to town?" shouted Dave.

"Hang on," the music faded to a shopping centre level. "Yea, I've
got some really good news!" As David heard her voice he thought
of her: her long blonde hair, which flowed like a small brook;
her body which was not as thin as a match but not as fat as an
orange, it was perfect. In fact everything about her was perfect
to Dave. He even remembered when they met, 11 years ago. Now they
were 16, David had liked Charlotte form the start, when they were
5 and met at school on the first day. They started going out 6
years ago, when Dave had finally plucked up the courage to ask
her out.

Holly looked at the bolt on her cage door and thought.

"Meet you under the clock at 2', "said Dave with an interested



"Love, respect and peace."

"Shut up Charlotte," David said, nearly laughing. Charlotte
always made David laugh.

"You hang up."

"No you."


Holly still looked at the bolt.

David put the 'phone in the charging base upstairs. He then went
in to his room, turned on the computer and started to fight the
evil Quake.

"1:30! I'm going to be late," said Dave as he ran into the
garage, jumped on his bike and sped out on to the road. He
skidded down the main road and over the cross road, left to the
pub and chained his bike up to the tree outside the pub. He then
ran to the clock and was just coming down the High Street when
the clock stuck 2'. He could see the clock and was 1 minute away
from it. He was too busy looking for Charlotte that he ran in to

Still Holly looked at the bolt.

When David stopped falling he saw some hair, he recognised the
hair. It was light blonde, then he saw a face he remembered,


"Is that the kind of way you treat a millionairess, Dave?"

"A what."

"A Millionaire."






"Yes," shouted Charlotte, "well my parents actually, they won 11
million and have given me 10 grand to spend."

"Cool," Dave said. Despite that anyone else would have said 'well
done' or 'can I have some'

Holly looked at the bolt and started squeaking very loud. The
whole point of this was to make the bolt shatter by getting the
resonate frequency. It sort of worked: David's mum came up with
some lettuce and put it in the cage. It sort of worked as she
forgot to put the bolt back. Holly started eating the lettuce, no
point in wasting good food. When I said that the point of this
was to shater the bolt that is what lesser being would have
thought. And this exactly what Holly wanted you to think.

"Do you want a Series 5, Dave? Dave?"


"Do you want a Psion Series 5?"

"Yea," Said Dave unconvincingly. One interest, the only interest,
they didn't share was Dave's for computers. Charlotte could never
remember the name of the Psion Series 5.

After they had got the money from the cash-machine they went and
bought a Psion. As they walked out of the Link, Dave looked at
Charlotte and thought how lucky he was.

Bleep Bleep

"Sorry Dave, my bleeper," her face turned snow white as she read
the message. Then she ran away from Dave. Dave being not as fit
as her and holding a Psion couldn't keep up.

"Wait," Dave shouted, "where are you going?"

"New-York, 5 o'clock today, I love you." Then she stopped and ran
back. "I can't leave you Dave."

"Come on there will be lots of good looking people in

"But I can't leave you."

"Go forget about me, go," Dave knew he would hate himself later
for saying that.

"Bye Dave, I'll never forget about you!" and with that she kissed
him and left.

Crunch. Dave knew someone was coming up the drive and saw, out of
the window, that it was Charlotte. But it was 6:22 she must have
stayed. With this he ran down the corridor and down the stairs,
two at a time. Too late he saw Holly who had escaped and was
going down slowly, very slowly.

As David landed, on his head, Charlotte put her head round the
door just in time to see the impact, and hear the bone sickening
crunch of his spine braking. She ran over just in time to hear
him say, weakly, "I love you Charlotte." Then he closed his eyes
and breathed out for the last time. David's mum came in to see
Charlotte crying over David's body.

Through the tears Charlotte said, "I came to tell him, that, that
he was right and I was going to go, but that I had to say
goodbye. I never knew it would be the final Goodbye. We were just
going on Holiday for 2 weeks.

As the police sirens became louder Holly sat on the stair she had
been on all the time, nibbling a mouldy peanut and thinking about
how to revive people who had been killed years before using a
piece of DNA. Then Holly walked down the few stairs left and took
a bit of David's dandruff so that one day, soon, they will be
reunited. After she has explained to Charlotte, somehow, that
they can be reunited.

David awoke to a different world. True, at first he saw only
blackness and did not know if he was alive. This was mainly due
to the fact that the last thing the remember was flying through
the air and seeing Charlotte over him crying. As his hearing
gradually came back, as if someone was turning his volume of
hearing up. Then his eyesight faded in and he could see, he could
have seen before but his brain had made a unanimous vote to stay
relaxed, on his back, and not to see the world around.

As Dave looked around he could hear a strange mechanical sound:
he stopped moving his eye and the noise stopped. Unknown to him
at the time he was actually a computer with a biological

Since 2004 after the Bob disaster, basically some one transferred
their mind to a computer and almost wiped out all the data in the
world! All Biological and electronic integration had been banned,
so what Holly, Dave's pet guinea pig, and Charlotte, his girl
friend, had done and put him in a computer was banned!

What had driven both of them was completely different, Holly did
it as she had a will to disobey law (Other wise being the most
clever animal on the planet would be boring), Charlotte did it
because she wanted to get David back. Holly was the main person,
or guinea pig, behind this illegal activity as she was 'involved'
in the Bob disaster 1 year ago.

Dave found being a robot all right, but boring! For one he was
not allowed to go out of the underground lab as if he was seen he
would be killed almost instantly, still Charlotte stayed with him
most of the time.

"Hi Dave."

"Hi Charlotte."

"I've got some bad news!"

"What?" said Dave questionably.

"People are getting suspicious, I can only come once a week. Good
bye my boss is waiting. Until the weekend, Good bye, I'm so so
sorry," and with that she left.

As Dave heard her feet echo down the corridor the decided to see
the world. He wasn't living! This was not living! So he chased
Charlotte, following at some distance. He saw her climb a ladder
and the close a manhole-cover. He was going to see the world.

He poked his head out and looked around and saw Charlotte. Then a
car hit her, hard. The police chasing didn't stop, only one
passer-by stopped. So this is what society is today it not worth
living in. With that he walked back to his underground den.

Once he was there he cried but no tears came, he had no tears. He
started pulling wires form his body and as they fell his system
stopped him. He couldn't escape, he was trapped. He ran, well
more hopped, at a wall his internal speed measurer registered 20
mph when he hit the wall.

As the building collapsed around him he felt all of it. He wanted
to blackout but he couldn't, he was a perfect machine. Now as the
bricks fell he thinks of life and how it should never be played
with, he also thought about the hammer of life, you rise and rise
up but then it all falls down and shatters your life. As his
power core exploded it took Holly and him with it. As David's
power faded he thought only of Charlotte.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Well it worked last time

From almost exactly 3 years ago, from a real conversation/rant.

Me: I believe very strongly that: It'll be ok in the end, and if it isn't ok, it isn't the end

Them: Wow... that's good, is it true?

Me: I don't know, it seems to work some of the times, but other times it doesn't seem to be true, but then I suppose it isn't the end. Some things just seem to have a habit of all slotting together nicely in life sometimes while sometimes they just tear at each other like giant cogs.
Life is about change, the change which made us decide to crawl out of the ocean, the change which made us decide to walk upright, the change when industrialisation occurred. While not every part of the changes were pleasant, or fun, in the end they all came together for a far greater thing. Life without change wouldn't be life.
Change is the very thing which makes life so special. And life can adapt to the changes, whether good or bad, and make the best we can out of them.
Finally, change can't be all good, we are not all knowing beings, we have to test our limits, explore our environment, and each others minds. We are bound to put some wrong foots along the way, but we can see these, and then adjust to avoid taking any more bad paths.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Noise Filter

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We live in an age with noise all around us. Just think about it, all the fields from the current through all the wires through all the buildings we live in. Think about all the radio waves passing through your head every second, think about how much information they hold. We all live in a mess of electro-magnetic fields, a mess of photons, a mess of information. Yet it doesn't effect us, or so we think.

And before you stop reading, thinking this is another piece of 'new age hippy rubbish', I promise you it isn't, thats just the dramatic start to get your attention! I'm going to talk about the impacts of various 'evil' new technological inventions, there is plenty of that crap floating about on the 'net. Instead I'm going to talk about the actual information. Perhaps this will make a little more sense if I put it into context: I am a white middle class 18 year old, I'm
currently sitting in my room, with an empty house, thinking about the war on Saddam Hussein. Well I say war, I'm not sure it can be called that, possibly a military conflict with him, but I wouldn't class it as war. But I digress, it's the second week of this conflict (the second one against Iraq, it's early to mid 2003), and I was sitting watching BBC News 24, putting off doing any real work (a great skill to be able to pull it off and not get bored, as any student will tell you) and it struck me how we are all bombarded with information.

All the time new images flash up on the screen, images of bombs dropping, people with white flags, people with guns, people talking, impressive 3D logos... if you've seen a 24 hour news channel you'll know what I mean. It struck me how it's fairly similar to the bit in the Clockwork Orange where the main character is brainwashed (I forget his name). A risk of losing my main focus again, I've always regretted not taking any form of psychology/sociology etc. at A-level. While I feel at home with the safe and firm assertions made by the physical sciences, I've always enjoyed participating in useless banter about possible ideas about how things work. One particular thing which has always puzzled me is people, they are just one great big box of
unanswered questions, which is why I will probably write lots on the human mind. So I regret not taking any 'official' subjects close to this interest, but at the same time I am quite pleased, as it means I can take a completely different view, which might well be silly and wrong, but I'll take it anyway.

Anyway I'll plant this musing firmly back on the path it was meant to take, and was so rudely stopped from taking. I'm not saying that the media is actually brainwashing, I know that involves intensive techniques (or so I've heard). Having said that the link still existed in my mind, but I passed over it as a slight amusement which I might bring up in later conversations with someone. Then I had a link sent to me by a friend, on war crimes and the US, one of the many random ideas bouncing around the 'net, but it illuminated something in my mind: I remembered something that someone had said to me a long time ago, no-one does anything for no reason, whether hidden or not, there is always a personal agenda to everything.

This is the point where people will start jumping up and down and start shouting things like: 'He's making wild generalisations', 'What about charity work?', 'He's just seen the bad side of humans'. If you, my dear reader, are one of these, I ask of you one more small favour, read until the end of this paragraph, if only to finish on an easy to remember part. I shall now pen short responses to these possible questions: I may well be making a generalisation, but we do all share a massive amount of DNA, cultural ideas and morals, so some generalisations, at least to simplify the system, must be possible; Charity work is done according to that persons belief that that is what is 'right' to do in that situation; Why is saying that everyone does something for a reason the same as saying everyone is evil? People aren't a radioactive atom decaying, they have reasons for everything, think about it, it's almost a tautology. Going from this idea/generalisation/model/thing (delete as appropriate) that people do everything for a reason we can draw some interesting conclusions.

First look at this very page you are reading, I wrote this for a reason, and that reason is to let other people hear my view point on this subject, and maybe open a few minds. I have different motives than the media, but very similar motives to the writer who wrote about war crimes and the US. The media is there to make money (another wild generalisation, see above). In a capitalist society this is a fairly easy idea to accept (at least as a possibility), so you're probably expecting me to start going on about how evil this is, but no, I have a surprise. While the media wants to get more viewers/readers etc. so shows the most popular stories and images, they don't have total control over what they can get their hands on. In a conflict such as Iraq the army has the say over where journalists can go, and what information is given to them. I state this so clearly as I'm not saying it's one big conspiracy, I'm just saying that the army's reasons are the ones which influence what we get to hear/see.

This means that when ever you watch anything, read anything, hear anything, and start to process the information from it, stop to think. There are no unbiased sources (this musing included) and you need to apply a noise filter, and make sure only useful information which you can be sure of it's truth, is accepted into your world view. This doesn't mean you should discard all the other information, just always take it with a pinch of salt. Another, even more important, realisation I came across is that no information is also an indication of something. Use just as strong a filter on a lack of information as you do on information which is shoved right in your face. Use your noise filter to find silence as well as voices, and you can keep your individual thoughts and ideas.

I say keep, but obviously it will have some influence, we are not static things, but it'll help you keep control, and not become a pawn to someone else. Looking back and re-reading I realise how obvious this all is, and how you probably already knew it all, but that doesn't make it useless. To have someone else have stated it, or having stated it in writing myself, gives me/you a firm point to throw ideas about from, and new ideas to start thinking about. It's like when you speak something which everyone else always knew, it somehow makes it more real and likely than when it was just a concept in your head, and that is why I wrote this, not for any of you readers, it's all for me. I told you I had my reasons.

26th March 2003, Guildford.

Monday, August 01, 2005


Moonlight and stardust,
dreams of chasing a dancing star,
we all fall alone.